Creating community: Storyhouse Childless

The exquisite risk

Storyhouse Childless is a community inspired and co-created event for people who are childless not by choice and childless by choice. Storyhouse Childless is a space for exploring living without children and the impact of this on our lives. By sharing our stories, we raise awareness and can create belonging through developing connections, reducing the isolation that can accompany being childless in a pronatal society. A society where the common definition of a family involves children and not the myriad ways a family can be created, including, as a couple, a single person, people and their companion animals or a found family as a group of friends.

I have found Storyhouse Childless (this is the third event) is helping to develop the childless community by providing a safe and warm space. In this affective space, people are courageously sharing their experiences, which are received with empathy by all the people present, who also make affective contributions via their attentive questions and by sharing their own reflections. I began by collaboration with Storyhouse Childless as an audience member in 2019. My wife and I attended the first Storyhouse Childless as we were both keen to meet other childless people and develop connections, which have turned into friendships over the years. At the time I was also in the midst of some focused grief work concerning my own losses, both our numerous miscarriages, which to us where already our children in our eyes, and our dream of having children of our own and being the parent I wanted to be to them. As such, I was also working out what a fulfilling life looked like too – one where I could find meaning, purpose, and joy in my everyday and over time.

I recall asking Dr Robin Hadley questions after his presentation and during the breaks – I wish I could recall them, but what has stayed with me is our friendship. And my respect for Rob, who has become a world expert in childless men, by having the courage to explore his own desire to be a dad and use that as an inspiration for researching an intensely personal topic. Rob’s research has helped us childless men to not feel alone and understand the many factors and circumstances involved in becoming childless not by choice. There was also the chat with Jody Day, who founded Gateway Women and is one of the biggest voices and advocates for childless people. During our chat, Jody suggested I would be a good person to set up a Men’s support and friendship group. Even so I had started to share my experiences, I wasn’t sure I was ready to facilitate a group on my own. Luckily, she had also been chatting to Michael Hughes, and between us The Childless Men’s Community was created. A private group for Men who wanted to be a dad and our now childless not by choice. Storyhouse Childless has helped create these opportunities for me to develop community, to share, and support other people.

Then there was a three-year delay, with Storyhouse Childless returning in 2022. The Covid-19 pandemic affected us all and the effects on the childless community has been beautifully and poignantly captured by World Childless Week. I certainly felt a resonance during the lockdowns and restrictions put in place, experiencing a similar sense of isolation and disconnect with my wider family and friends.

So it was a pleasure to become part of the steering group and help curate Storyhouse Childless, as well as take part. It was emotional and there were tears hanging as I shared my own experiences through my stories, Dancing under Rainbows and under there, somewhere, and heard other people’s experiences. One aspect that struck me was the connections between being childless not by choice and childless by choice, whilst the process to these places is different, there are clearly complex decisions made by people when it is by choice. Also, there was the same insensitivity experienced from people asking about children, expectations in workplaces and legacy. My community continued to grow.

This year, Storyhouse Childless returns as a two-day event with panels on finding purpose without children, the role of adventure in supporting fulfilling lives, community and elderhood, men and creativity, friends and family, and childlessness in the workplace. Alongside live music and a live podcast from The Fullstop. It looks like it is going to be an exciting weekend and I whole heartily recommend coming along and joining us – to develop community with people who empathise and understand our difficult, isolating, and ongoing situations. For it, doesn’t have to always be that way, as through the belonging I have developed, thanks partly due to Storyhouse Childless, yes there are still difficult times and pain, but I now have somewhere to go, share and most importantly be heard and met with warmth.

Further information:

Storyhouse Childless is on Saturday, 23 September and Sunday, 24 September. 

A weekend pass is £20, while tickets are also available for individual sessions, costing £5. There is also a number of funded tickets for people who would like to attend with a supportive friend. 

Find out more and buy tickets at: Storyhouse Childless.